Yep. I am closing Purehealth Clinic at the end of the year. If you want to, you can still continue to follow me here – not sure what I’ll be writing about yet, but I’m a writer so I will be writing something!! I’ll change the name obvs at some point!
BIG DECISION. BIG GULP.
It hurts to do it and I’m sorry. But, it’s time. I’m almost 60. I’ve been doing some form of health work since I was 21. I reckon I’ve earned a break and a chance to do something else for my last few decades (I hope!) of work. I’ve tried every which way to cut down, to change focus etc, but I always end up back in the same place. Totally my fault! I’m a people-pleaser lol. As I’ve taught so many of you, it’s not a good idea to ignore your instincts and they always surface again if you do!
Not entirely sure what I will do instead – I don’t want to actually retire. I love working, as you know! What I do know is that I will focus on getting rid of this ruddy MCAS/hypersensitivity illness once and for all and then put my focus on something more joyful. I have got an idea for a new Substack newsletter and hopefully a printed magazine I can post to you. I will no doubt have a health section in it, but the focus will not be health.
The reason for telling you now is that December is always quiet anyway and this will give you chance now to order any tests you need, ask me anything, have any progress reviews etc before the clinic closes on 31st December.
I’d love for you to stick with me, continue to follow me wherever I end up. You’re family to me and the biggest reason why it has been so hard to walk away from Purehealth.
So, if you don’t mind, I will send a few messages out to you sometimes to let you know where you can find me/what I’m up to and hopefully we can be together in a different way.
OK, you can stop reading there as that’s the practical, short version! But I did originally write a much more detailed post about my thoughts about instinct, our need to shift our focus away from a fix-it mentality, our need for more joy etc as I know many of you like it when I bear my soul for you! If you’re interested, read on..
Either way, I hope this is au revoir instead of goodbye. Hope to see you somewhere on the other side – maybe here. I’m going to miss this and you, hugely.
Lots of love, M xx
Like A Moth To A Flame
I have been ignoring my instincts for, literally, years and, as I say to so many of you, I must start to listen! As you know, I have multiple food and chemical sensitivity, diagnosed MCAS, which has waxed and waned, but never fully gone for about 25 years now. Notice the timing there – just as I set Purehealth up in 2000!
For the last decade, I have been trying to calm my nervous system down in various ways in a bid to bring a sense of safety back to my body and limbic system – evidenced by the Healing Plan etc. My instinct has been to stop clinic work, talking about food/nutrition/illness all day every day and to do things that are more joyful – and less about food specifically.
By being joyful, we send a message of safety to the nervous system, to the overactive limbic system. We need to do that to stop the hypervigilant protector role in our bodies seeing threat everywhere. The more we question food, chemicals, mould toxins, MCAS or whatever, the more we are constantly teaching our systems that there is a threat. We get stuck in a spiral of hypervigilance, threat, fear and reactivity.
On some levels, I am mighty aware of this, on others I ignore it. If I think about it, I can see how much I have been trying but – let’s face it – largely ignoring this instinct.
Way back in 2015, I chose to move to the sea for a more joyful, expansive environment. In 2018, I tried to lean into my not-going-away instinct to try and balance the illness work out by doing and writing my joyful things. I love colour so I trained in colour analysis. But then shelved it and went back to clinic work. The pull to earn a living and share my clinical know-how is very strong!
In 2020, I returned to Warwick as I missed family, friends and a more vibrant town life. Covid hit. I was very busy for a while supporting Covid patients and my online clinic approach came into its own. And I hardly saw anyone so we spent half of shutdowns in Cornwall anyway! I got worse health-wise again.
I stopped patient work in 2021 to give myself a chance to get better, but I continued the test service, research, writing, daily email communications etc. It certainly helped, but not enough. So, I went back to clinic work.
I tried writing more joyful newsletters – remember Silver White Winters? I LOVED doing that, but I couldn’t get enough subscribers to make it pay so, yet again, I leaned back into clinic work.
In 2022, I moved back to the sea to get back to my joyful place again. I immediately became MUCH less reactive. I should really have taken the hint there and focused on more joyful things, but stopped talking about ill health all day.
The last couple of years, I have tried to become more creative, making floral wreaths and bouquets, free from toiletries, learning different crafts, building our garden, doing lots of interior design work. But the sensitivity started returning. It wasn’t enough.
Last year, I stopped patient work, but for the first time attempted to close the test service as well as I realised that that is where most of my queries and patients come from. Of course. My (fabulous- I thank you!) business model has been set up that people read something I write, book some support or buy a test, buy some supplement or one of my books/factsheets, then maybe need some support to analyse the results/consider their case specifically.
I had an outcry at stopping the tests, I held out for over a month, but got spooked by no money coming in and not being able to help with the emails that still continued. If I’m going to help, I’m going to do it well, you know. I can’t do half measures; it’s not in me! So, I set it all back up again and have been doing that ever since, despite an increasingly loud cry from my inner self to JUST STOP!!
But it’s hard to give up a job you love, earning money and helping when you know you can. Plus, I am a stubborn bugger!
I’ve come up with loads of different more joyful business ideas, even gone as far as creating websites for them. But just not gone ahead. I’m too busy listening to my unsafe, hypervigilant protector parts and keep chickening out!
Little Miss Fix-It
As you know, I have been doing a lot of limbic impairment and identity/trauma healing work over the past few months. I have long worried that I was perpetuating my own – and maybe some of your illnesses – by focusing on avoidance of foods. For good reasons – to calm inflammation, promote healing, stop symptoms etc. I’ve gradually stopped avoidance techniques over the last 10 years and have been encouraging you to calm your systems down instead. I even wrote the Healing Plan to help with this.
Recently, I have been working really hard on the multiple sensitivity, MCAS plans for you. In it, I have set out that I think you have to work on both functional, biochemical approaches nervous system regulation and trauma-healing to really get well. The former, for example, could be: what’s the immune system doing, how do we measure and increase DAO, enzymes, stomach acid, lower cell danger response in mitochondria, the hamp reactions at cell level, histamine, inflammatory cytokines – and loads more? I got quite excited about finding what I think is a pretty unique approach to multiple food and chemical sensitivity, MCAS etc.
But I had a worrying feeling that this was more of the same, really. Telling ourselves something is wrong and perpetuating a threat sense of self in the body and mind. This type of approach takes a lot of money, a lot of time, and a lot of determined thought – thoughts that actually could be making us more unwell. So, I have held it back. It’s been so frustrating not knowing why I was holding back – not like me at all. I thought it was menopause or something! But recently, clarity has arrived (thank goodness!) and some of the jigsaw pieces have been slotting together more.
Essentially, I have realised my trained functional medicine system – tests, supplement, meds etc – is very much a ‘fix-it’ mentality and it is constantly telling us that we are broken, something is wrong, we need to be fixed – it’s a fear and threat-based approach. If we are hypervigilant in some way, we are just not going to get well if we constantly reinforce the threat message, are we?
Anyway, I looked at the forums and approaches to food sensitivity that have worked for people. This put the tin lid on it for me:
Working with a nutritionist is likely adding to your sensitivities. The reaction to the food is in your brain, not your body. I had heavy food sensitivities. I went on the AIP diet to remove inflammatory foods and then reintroduce them when I was in a less sensitive state. I got more and more sensitive because I was telling an overactive limbic system that food was not safe by singling out foods and avoiding them.
Various bits from forums etc
I got over my food sensitivities fast, but I understood that if the reaction is limbic, that meant the food is healthy and safe. It is not harming my body, it is not a reaction to the food. It is a reaction to our perception of the food.
If we know we are going to get a reaction, we will. If we worry we will get one, even if we doubt that we will be ok to eat it, it will activate the threat pathways, not the healthy ones.
This is the knowledge it takes to stop the sensitivities. Working with someone to identify the foods that are reactive, and how or why they are, perpetuates the response….
If you focus on food as a threat you validate the pathways that are firing the responses. If you want to change the brain and body reaction, we have to change. I am healthy, I am safe. This food is nutritious. My body can handle it.
I repeated these things like a mantra ALL DAY LONG. If I had a thought about having a reaction, Why would I? My body is capable, these reactions are all limbic. If I wanted to check ingredients, I would tell myself in my head that it serves no purpose. I can handle what is in this because I am making healthy choices. Cancel those thoughts that drive reactions and reaffirm your ability to move forward with positive and encouraging thought.
If we live in a world of threat we will have threat responses. If we show the NS safety, our world changes.
When you worry about what the food is going to do to you, it is going to feed reactions. Working with someone to identify the threats… Makes them threats.
Listening to my instinct this time tells me this is probably spot on.
Being Braver, And More Joyful
So, now I have accepted that as probably true, I cannot, in all conscience, continue to ‘fix’ me or you. Hence, the clinic, test service etc will close by the end of the year. I’d close it now, to be honest, but that will give you all time to finish up stuff, get test results, download whatever you need and ask me anything you need to before I walk off into the sunset.
Or will I? I’m not sure what I will do next, but it will be something. I have a few ideas, but I’m giving myself space to allow things to present themselves. Whatever it will be , it will be joyful in some way, which is the best way I can help you, I think. We need more joy in our lives if we are to get fully better.
I’d love for you to stick with me, continue to follow me wherever I end up – probably here for now. You’re family to me and the biggest reason why it has been so hard to walk away from Purehealth.
So, if you don’t mind, I will send a few messages out to you sometimes to let you know where you can find me/what I’m up to and hopefully we can be together in a different way. Let’s create something less illness-based and more joyful!
Lots of love, Micki
PS. I will post out more practical stuff, obviously, like where to find practitioners, tests, supplements etc etc but I wanted to get this post out to you asap to give you some notice. Any questions, email me, of course. And if you want to send me nice, kind messages of support, I could honestly do with a few of those too. I feel a bit sick 😉 x